Day One Hundred Nineteen

119 days ago, I didn't want to start a journey like this. This wasn't a part of my plans, and I don't believe that a four year old getting cancer was part of God's plan. I didn't want my son to go through all of the surgeries, treatments, visits, etc.  I didn't want those things to affect his behavior in a way that he doesn't even understand, which probably frustrates him more. It tears my heart up when I see his pain and frustration, and I can't just fix it. I wanted the sweet, loving, praying, athletic, super intelligent, caring boy to continue on the path that he was on.

Anyway, we are on this journey, and today was a big day. He graduated from pre-school, which made me think of all the blessings that we have experienced on this journey that I didn't want to take. "God's love displayed" - In a new world of emotional roller-coasters, pain, devastation, relief, hope, etc., I have never experienced the amount of caring and love in His name. People that we didn't know at all and those who were casual acquaintances have provided support, love, prayers, and many other things that I can only explain as part of God's plan in this journey. Family and friends have done more than expected or requested. Thank you, God. Thank you, everyone.

We have experienced two new worlds: One that doesn't make sense, which includes sick children and families suffering and another full of God's love with many people doing absolutely wonderful things for those children and families. What is amazing is when the latter surrounds the former and incredible things happen.  It is obvious to me that God is working through those people and truly making great things happen. This has changed our lives, and I pray that as we continue and finish the journey with a healthy son, that God works through us to make a difference in others.

When others prayed with us, and when the volunteers, doctors, nurses, etc, brought smiles to Ryan's face in the most difficult of times, the journey seemed manageable. When I handed over "all of my anxieties to God" and "trusted in the LORD with all of my heart and didn't lean on my own understanding," the journey seemed clear and less frightening. When I put my complete faith and hope in God, the journey seemed like an opportunity. An opportunity to deepen my relationship with God and my family. An opportunity to make a difference in other people's lives. An opportunity to strengthen bonds and relationships that can never be broken because of God's love. God is healing my son, and I fully believe, without any doubts, that He will completely heal my son, and he will grow up and do many wonderful things in God's name.

So, today was blessing for many reasons. I am thankful that Ryan was healthy enough to start going back to school and to walk across the stage today. We have met families that don't have that blessing. As I reflect back on wonderful people and actions, I am thankful for "God's love displayed" over and over again. I am thankful that our family is strong and is growing closer and closer together. I am thankful that I enjoy the little things more and realize when they are happening. I am thankful that my perspective on many things has changed, as have the associated importance and priorities.

We are not quite two-thirds of the way through this journey, but I know that we will reach the end soon with a healthy boy. I know that God is with us every day, guiding us, orchestrating the interactions, loving us, and healing Ryan. I never wanted to take a journey like this, but I am thankful to God for so many of His blessings every day along this journey.